I know, it seems antithetical for someone who is trying to lose weight to not be aware of what weight they are at, but I feel like standing on that stupid thing is making everything about this experience worse. If you weigh yourself as often as I do (make that "did") then you will know why. I literally will weigh myself every time I walk past the scale. It sits in a corner of the hallway outside of the bathroom. Every time I step up there is a different number staring me in the face, always somewhere between the 150-170 range. Sure, some days are more consistent than others, but I mostly feel extremely disappointed to see the numbers creep up. Even by one pound.
It makes more sense to just set a goal weight (140 lbs) to be reached by a certain date (August 1). I feel like it will be more appropriate to weigh myself after I can feel the effects of the weight loss, that way even if the numbers aren't quite right I won't have a melt down. Sidenote: I will probably still have a small meltdown.
I feel as if I should probably be posting some sort of pictures of my body so that you will all get a grasp at what my struggle is. I will work on doing that someday soon. I will start off my saying, though, that I have a fairly athletic body. My desire to purge all of my fat most people would see as an unhealthy obsession. I am fairly thin in the upper body, but thankfully have a very full chest. My waist is very trim. The lower body is my "problem area". THUNDER THIGHS. For all intents and purposes my measurements are 38-26-40, and at 5'9." I wear a size 6 to 8 in dresses and pants.
So personally I think that the problem is not a lack of muscle, it's all about how the hell I'm going to burn off this fat. God, I wish I could afford liposuction... Tomorrow I start a new diet. I would go with a fast, but that would only drain all my remaining energy (and I need that in order to function at work). Basically, I am only going to eat proteins. Egg whites, fish, chicken, soy. Yep, that's it. Protiens will fuel me enough to continue to do a couple hours of cardio every morning and hopefully get me through work at night.
My mom is catching on. She is basically trying to force feed me. I just keep telling her that I have an upset stomach and can't hold food.
I will let you know how the diet goes...
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I like that idea. I don't even have a scale to use for myself, so I have to go by what I look like. isn't that terrible? well, I may steal your idea and hope I can get to a scale by the set date. hah.
ReplyDeletegood luck, babydoll<3
xoxo
I know exactly how that feels! I used to be obsessive about weighing myself and recently I'm so scared to... I think it's once you leave it a day or two you don't want to have to go back to all the numbers.
ReplyDeleteThose numbers just mean so much to how you feel....
I really don't think you understand just how stupid it is to use the word pro-Ana. You obviously have no idea about the destruction that anorexia can wreak in not only your body but your mind, and eventually you and your families lives. It's okay to want to be thin. That's okay. But at least research the death rate of anorexia before you claim to be pro-Ana. You don't write blogs promoting cancer, so I find it slightly disgusting that you write so freely about killing yourself in this way. Please please please think about this, and don't dismiss it as someone who just don't understand. Trust me, I understand. Xxx
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